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11/6/2019

Can I Be A Male Feminist?

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    So to start with, I need to make it clear that this is very much an opinion piece and as such it is my interpretation of the subject. I say this, as the Feminist movement throughout history has contained numerous factions and all with differing agendas and approaches.
            What is a Feminist?
    In its simplest form, Feminism is a belief that the binary genders of Male and Female are equal. The Feminist movement is about realigning the imbalances that were created from our history of being a Patriarchal society.
    In essence, equal rights! Rights such as the right to vote, the right to equal pay and the right to not be portrayed as a weaker, one dimensional and less capable gender.
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           Can a Male Feminist exist?
    Well this really depends on just who you talk to. There are those who believe that any man who is a supporter of Feminism is just that, a supporter and cannot lay claim to being a Feminist.  The belief is that without the personal experiences unique to women, someone cannot be part of the Feminist movement.
    Another view an one that I subscribe to ( albeit as a male) is that anyone who supports and believes in the concept of gender equality and equal rights for women should be able to be termed a Feminist.
    So from my perspective anyone, male, female or non-binary can lay claim to being a feminist, provided they genuinely believe and support the fundamental ideals of the movement.

            So what then are my beliefs on Feminism?
    Personally I believe that Women should have no more or less rights than their male counterparts. I strongly believe that the world will be a far better place with total equality across the genders.
    This means equal representation across all areas of society and most notably in positions of power such as Government. It also means equal pay for equal jobs as well as access to those equal jobs.
    On top of this, my ideal would see a more varied portrayal of women in the media, one that reflects society as a whole.
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Even as a male, I can see that the glass ceiling still exists for many women.
            Does this make me a Feminist?
    Well the answer to this is actually both yes and no. Whilst obviously I do strongly believe in equality between men and women and as such ally myself with feminist principles.
    I cannot call myself a Feminist. This is not due the fact I am male, nor is it in response to some of the more radical factions within the movement. Rather it is simply because to call my self a Feminist would be too restricting of my social beliefs and conscience.
    Instead of calling myself a Feminist if pressed to categorize myself, I would call myself an Equalist. You see my belief in equality goes beyond that of women's rights and includes everyone.
    As a Father of a gay Transgender teen (about which I have written in my post Goodbye Daughter , Hello Trans Son), how could I not be as strongly supportive of LGBTIQ rights as I am of women's rights? As a Man, I hate to see men on the receiving end of gender inequality ( Although rarer, this does exist)
    My beliefs are to fight against any form of inequality and prejudice, be that based on binary or non-binary gender, race, skin colour, religion and others.
          I am an Equalist and I am Proud of it
    The people I admire the most are those who are actively fighting against inequality and prejudism.  People such as the worlds first Plus Sized Supermodel Tess Holliday who has created the #effyourbeautystandards movement. A movement about body acceptance of all (Fat, Thin, Disfigured, Hirsute, short , Tall etc)
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As an Equalist I admire people like Tess Holliday who fight prejudice
    So whilst I clearly believe that I have the right to call myself a Feminist I choose not to do so and call myself and Equalist instead. There are bigger things to worry about than belonging to a group that feels itself to be superior to others.

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26/5/2018

Life Rules For Men

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    Everybody likes to think of themselves as a good person. In today's ever changing world, the concept of toxic masculinity and what makes a man, has been debated constantly.
   
Indeed, in the wake of the Weinstein affair and the Me Too movement many men are now questioning their own actions and are confused about what is expected of a man. The male role may be changing, however, the basics of being a good man have not.
    I have compiled a list of rules that I feel are timeless and reflect the values and actions of a well rounded, happy, contented and good modern man. 
    My 50 years upon the planet has seen me gain a modicum of wisdom and as I write this list, I do so with the thought of sharing it with my own son, so feel free to do so with any burgeoning gentleman in your life.
  • Never shake a mans hand while you are seated.
  • When shaking hands, look them in the eye and use a firm grip. A firm grip does not mean trying to break all the bones in his hand.
  • If you are asked to keep a secret, keep it a secret unless doing so endangers someone.
  • When borrowing a car from someone, always return it with a full tank of fuel and in the same or better condition as when you took delivery. If borrowing for an extended time return it washed and clean.
  • Never turn down the offer of a mint.
  • Dress up not down. Remember that dressing up will make you feel good and not to do so in an attempt to show off or show others up.
  • Family matters. Stay in touch and do everything you can to heal a fractured family.
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Dress up not down
PictureCarry a handkerchief or two
  • Think of what is between you and the earth and buy good quality shoes, bed sheets and car tyres.
  • Good manners are free and will always be remembered.
  • Respect both yourself and other people.
  • Give credit when due and accept the blame when you do wrong.
  • Be humble.
  • Always carry a Handkerchief,  preferably two. The second one is in case your significant other may need to mop a sweated brow or wipe their nose. 

PictureKeep your shoes polished
  • Keep in touch with old friends.
  • Ensure your shoes are polished and well maintained and your clothes clean and pressed.
  • Never allow a feud to simmer. Man up and do what is needed for a resolution.
  • Always be the bigger man and don't harbour grudges.  Apologize, forgive and move on.
  • Never make a phone call whilst angry, nor send an email or letter when angry. Write the email, re-read it the next morning and send it after you edit it again.
  • In an argument, don't try to have the last word unless it is to apologize.
  • Do not spread gossip.

PictureDon't over do the cologne
  • Ensure you smell nice, but never overdo the cologne.
  • Think of others. Remember, the joy of others is contagious.
  • Learn to genuinely accept and like who you are as a person.
  • Never stay quiet about injustice, inequality or prejudice.
  • When you see someone in need, don't stand back and watch . Step up and help.
  • Never judge someone based on a preconceived notion of who they are.
  • Discover and experience new things and places.

PictureQuality over quantity
  • Appreciate the hard times for the strength they will bring you.
  • Understood that not all disabilities can be seen. An unseen disability is still a disability.
  • Make a bucket list and continue to edit it each year.
  • Quality over quantity works every time.
  • Always err on the side of compassion.
  • Become a volunteer at least once in your life.
  • Time spent with your children is worth infinitely more than a higher income.
  • Never forget about yourself. Treat yourself occasionally, just because!

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Listen more than you speak
  • It doesn't matter how long you have been together. Go on dates with your partner.
  • Ultimately you will be remembered for your actions, not your wealth and assets.
  • Don't be late, aim to arrive 10 minutes ahead of time. If however you are unavoidably detained and running behind time, always contact all parties concerned as soon as possible and never later than 10 minutes before the scheduled time.
  • You have two ears and only one mouth. Listen more and talk less.
  • Always carry some cash.
  • Age with dignity. Remember, that growing old is better than the alternative.
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A good overnight bag is a must
  • When buying clothes, factor in additional tailoring and make sure you get them adjusted to fit you right. (i.e. sleeve and cuff length as well as darts in/out in your shirting.)
  • Never go to a party or dinner party empty handed.
  • Buy yourself a good quality overnight bag.
  • Know at least one good icebreaker or conversation starter.
  • Learn how to cook. At the least know a few basic dishes both savoury and sweet.
  • Be alert to mental health and know the signs and what /where to go. This applies to both yourself and those around you. Understand that accepting mental health issues is a sign of strength not weakness.
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A good skincare regime is a must
  • Always be there for family and friends. Offering a shoulder to cry on or a good ear is better than losing the people in your life.
  • Respect service people and those working when you are not. Bar personnel, police officers, paramedics etc are working unsociable hours and offering you services.
  • Keep abreast of current affairs and politics. No need to bean expert, just keep yourself informed.
  • Remember that being woken up at 2 am to give someone a lift, a hand or an ear is far better than being woken at 3am by the police.
  • Look after your skin . Establish a personal care routine using products designed for men.
  • Say hello to people and smile.

    I am sure that  you may feel I have missed some things, however at the very least my list here is a good starting point. Most of these suggested rules apply to people of any gender and age.
    A quick look over my list and I realize that there are a few items that I could focus more on myself. That in itself is a reminder to all that,n on occasions we forget and sometimes need reminding of our very own advice.

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    Divorced and nearly 50 I rediscovered who I was.

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